How the f*** are they doing it?

Do you ever wonder how other families are making it work? How people you thought were in a similar financial situation to you seem to go on holiday more, to swankier and farther flung places? How they have the funds to send all their kids to private school when they claimed to be broke, or how after living in a tiny flat like you, they then bought some enormous house?

I know I wondered about this before I had a child, but as soon as I had one, returned to work and started paying for childcare, it felt even more glaring. Then, suddenly, our finances that had just about covered our lifestyle before, seemed unbelievably stretched by comparison. Now, with another child on the way, I’m dreading what the next bit will look like.

Things going wrong like a knackered car cause a panic that was not as heightened before kids. The question of how we can afford to replace it hangs over us like a dark cloud as we scrabble around for cash. Then the resulting draining of savings just as my next maternity leave looms large feels frightening.

We’re lucky compared to many, the fact we can afford to run a car, the fact we had an emergency fund, the fact we have enough good credit to borrow mean we can get another one. Many can’t. I know that, and yet it still feels destabilising, like something has taken a literal chunk out of our lives and left us exposed. What if something else goes wrong in the near future?

I also wonder how other people are doing it when reading those money diary columns in the papers. I am particularly interested in the ones where women with children share how they’re making their lifestyle work on their salary.

In a recent one, a woman talked about how hard she worked to send her kids to private school. Surely her stated £50k salary couldn’t cover three sets of school fees, could it? Then, at the bottom of the article, she casually mentioned that her husband worked in finance and suddenly it made sense.

It’s not just newspaper columns. TV shows where people are buying properties and finding money for mega renovations always have me wondering how they got that money. Was it help from family, self made or a lottery win? Is everyone going into debt to do these big things? At least tell us how you did it. That’s more interesting to me than the house they’re trying to buy.

It does make me wonder if I had made different choices with work and how I lived my life, particularly in my twenties, would I be able to afford these things? Should I get a higher paying job, even though I love this one and it is a rare find in my industry. I’m also right in the middle of having children, a time when the stability of a familiar workplace and a good boss means a lot.

What’s the answer? Stay in your lane and don’t compare probably. Focus on what you do have. Get out of your own way. Or, ideally, win the fucking lottery! Problem solved.